a scar at a time.

"There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with."

- Harry Crews

I wish I had found this quote long, long ago. There's a good chance it would have saved me from a lot of anger throughout the years. 

I think scars are one of the most important parts of a person. They tell stories. They are unique. No one will ever have the exact same scar as another person. They make us, well, US. There's the scars you can't see - the ones on the heart and the soul. Those ones can be hidden rather easily. Sometimes, we get too good at hiding those scars that we are afraid to remember just how deep they go until we have to reveal them. You can't hide any scar forever.

 

Then, there are the scars which cannot be hidden. The ones on our bodies. The ones which show other people what we have been through. The ones that remind some of us daily about the torments and experiences we have gone through which we wish we could forget. But seeing those scars, as Crews stated, proves that we made it through something we may not have thought possible. And for that, they are beautiful.

In my opinion, the best part about our scars is the stories that come from them. Some are silly, some are intense, but no matter what, they are stories. They show a part of our soul which may not have any other way of coming out. They tell a person, if we allow them to hear, what we have been through and how we have shaped into who we are. So, here are some of my most important scars, and most important stories...

These two go hand in hand. They aren't all that important, but they're a big part of who I am. I got both of these scars, one on my knee and one on my elbow, from running. YES, running. Not running anywhere difficult, like a hill or up a mountain. Just running on flat land. And that's when I realized that firstly, I am NOT a land athlete, but instead should stay in the water, and secondly, I am one of the clumsiest people in the world. These ones make me laugh. But more importantly, they make other people laugh when I tell them how I got them. Reason number one I am an embarrassment to the world :)

This is my second most important scar. This scar is the only reason I am alive today. Yes, it looks like I had a c-section and gave birth to a child sometimes. But seeing as how I got this scar when I was only four years old, that is clearly not what happened. This scar is a result of kidney surgery, the surgery that saved my life as my only kidney was going into kidney failure. I have hated this scar since I was about 12; my mom wouldn't let me buy a pair of swim-suit bottoms because they showed my scar. At the time, I hated it, but now, I couldn't be more proud. I wouldn't have the past 14 years of my life without this one, and I wouldn't have my incredible future to come. Very few people have seen this scar until now...and I couldn't be happier to share it. This scar is proof that my life is a miracle. 

Though you can only see three here, on my shoulder there are four single scars - the most important ones to me. Two scars show where three stitches were, the other two only had two stitches. This, as I'm sure you can guess, is the result of the shoulder surgery I had February 17th, 2009. The surgery that has made the past year and a half of my life a complete struggle, both emotionally and mentally...and maybe a bit physically too. I hated these scars from day one...I felt awkward wearing anything showing my right shoulder. These scars were the reminder that I wasn't strong enough to play water polo anymore. These scars had me wondering if I would ever play again. These scars kept me up, thinking and crying, a lot more often than they should have. But they're a part of me, and these, more than any other, prove to me that I have the power to overcome anything. These scars took my passion, my life away. But now, because of them, I have it all back. They have given back what they took from me, truly a sign that the struggle is over.

Those are obviously just a few of my scars. Being the fearless girl I am, I've earned quite the collection of scrapes and scars. And from them, I've grown.

"I just want to show off my scar proudly and not be afraid of it." - Carly Simon

 

It's like she took the words from my own mind...

never forget to dream,
xoxo, L.

if you really knew Lisa...

Lately I've been meeting people and keep hearing the same thing. They tell me, after getting to know me of course, that I'm a completely different person than they expected. A lot of the time, my "first impression" is something along the lines of, "a spoiled little rich girl who never had to work for anything" or "a fake, annoying girl who wanted everyone to like her" or "a girly girl who would be disgusted at the idea of dirt or breaking a sweat" or something like that. And if you know me for who I am, who know that is...well, basically the opposite of me.

I feel like a lot of the time, we just stick with the first impression. And it can, in the end, screw us over. Say you meet someone who seems like the most amazing person you have ever met, and you stick with the impression. Well, from there you expect them to be that same lively, fun person every day from there on out. And soon enough, you realize this "great" person is no more than a backstabber living behind a friendly mask, or something of that essence. Or say you meet someone and you only see them as a snotty, self-absorbed person, so you never give them a fair opportunity to prove themselves. For all you know, that person could have been the one to change your life. But she won't be, because you didn't give her a chance.

I don't want to make myself out to be some sinless, innocent person in this situation. Because I know for a fact that I have been guilty of this in the past. But I'm giving it my all to change that. And maybe, if I risk spilling my heart so you get to know me for me, you'll be willing to risk me getting to know you when you spill yours. As stated by one of my favorite artists, He Is We, "We all have a story to tell, whether we whisper or yell..."

If you really know me, you'd know I'm a girl who has been blessed to have life at all. Born a month early, my life was on the line right away. Nothing changed for a long time. At four, I had major kidney surgery to save my life, which I will have a hideous scar from for the rest of my life. But considering it saved my life, I don't mind. The fact that I've survived since then, with just one kidney which almost failed, amazes me.

I don't want to sound like I'm God's gift to earth, because that is NOT my view. But in all honesty, I know I only lived past the age of four for a reason. And what that reason is, I don't know, but I plan on finding out.

If you really knew me, you'd know I hate talking about my emotions. Mainly because I'm afraid they will scare people away. I hate to cry in front of ANYONE, except my mom. Because, well, she is the only person required to love me still ;) But really. Crying in front of anyone besides her scares me, and it rarely happens. However, she is the one person who can get me to open up and cry, and I'm so grateful for that. Because sometimes, tears are the best medicine. At least in my life.

If you really knew me, you'd know I hate to give anything less than 100%. I've been a hard worker since day one. Probably because I'm determined to be the best at everything. And yes, I know that is extremely unrealistic. To those who have thought I was a spoiled girl who didn't know how to work for herself, here I prove you wrong. I've had a job since age 13. And yes, I've been spoiled by my parents, but only because I deserve it, according to them. Working hard pays off, regardless of whether its as an athlete, a student, employee, or person in general. And if I didn't believe that, I wouldn't be busting my butt in the pool, at school, at work, or in life. I just want to be the best and prove the haters wrong.

If you really knew me, you'd know I actually do care about other people. I ask you how you're doing because I actually want to know. And if it's not well, I want to try and make it better. If I can just put a smile on your face, or make you laugh, or take one ounce of pain away, I feel like I can breathe. I don't want you to worry about how I'm doing, I'll always find a way to make it through. I'll put you first, make sure you are okay, and be there for you regardless. I'll be the one to answer the phone at 3 AM and talk you through your meltdown. I'll be the one to drive an hour to visit you if you need me, even if it's for a couple of minutes. All I want to do in life is make people happy, or do something to change a life, or save someone from something, anything.

If you really knew me, you'd know I love being a tomboy just as much as I love being a girly girl. I love to sweat, to work out, to get dirty if I have to. I love cars and extreme sports. I play water polo and wake board. But I love painting my nails, talking on the phone, and flirting. I love spending the day with my girls, belting love songs at the top of my lungs, and being carefree. I think living life with a good combination like that is what is so exciting, and I wish more girls would step out of there comfort zone and be one of the guys every now and then. I try to live life on the edge and be spontaneous, but not forgetting who I am.

If you really knew me, you'd know I'm afraid of spilling my heart. That this entire blog post is something I'm afraid of in itself. I'm afraid people will actually get to know me and hate what they find. But if that's what happens, I will accept it. I just want people to know Lisa. I want to get to know you, and I want you to get to know me. I think getting to know others is something we all take for granted. Everyone is more than what you can tell from a first impression, or even a second and third impression.

This is just a glimpse of me. Writing it all would impossible. So I challenge YOU to actually try and get to know me. And I'll do the same for you :)

Don't be afraid to pour yourself out on a canvas for all the world to see. Or even just one person to see. For all you know, the colors you leave behind will be the most beautiful painting that person has ever seen. 

never forget to dream,
xoxo, L.